I love Twitter. It’s a shortcut way of ranting, sharing, or noting something. Too bad, when it’s all done and said in 140 characters or less, I am less inclined to go into detail about the story behind it via a blog entry. But when I’m in particular situations that encourage me to get some aspect of my life together (read: being stuck at the airport with a 2 hour delay and free internet), I find myself scrolling through old tweets to recount past events and the significance of a few that resulted in obscure one liners as place holders for stories that are so good, you need 141+ characters.
I attended a work conference this week, as if the poor data extraction from our site wasn’t already a bummer, I received a twitter request to follow from my ex. I can’t explain why little actions like these come around and still knock the wind out of me. I tried not to weigh the pros and cons too much before I exhaled and denied the request. I’m just not there yet and I don’t know if I’ll ever get there. I’m happy for you, can’t we just leave it at that and carry on with our lives? We’ve finally stopped the obligatory Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Birthday texts.
I was waiting for E to get out of the writing group so we could catch our cab to the airport. I scrolled through my apps and saw Q of the day. I opened it up in hopes for some food for thought and ironically, the question that popped up read: Where did you leave it off with your ex?
I don’t know where we left it off. Well that’s a lie, we left it off at me denying his request to follow my tweets. Prior to that, he texted to tell me his dog died (which I was truly sad about), and the time before, it was to return my old photos. In the back of my mind, I knew he was cleaning me out of his life. He was moving. You, generally, only return things when you’re cleaning out to move. He was physically and mentally moving on. I’ve moved on myself but there’s something about the definitive that irks me. I’ve found comfort in things fading into the background and when the past is reintroduced, I can’t help but be taken aback and a little defensive – didn’t we agree to not talk about it anymore?
Maybe I take it as an attack to my ego, that as Nat says, I wasn’t the one that made him. Perhaps I just hate the idea of letting people down. I want everyone in my life to be happy and when I cannot deliver, I feel I let myself down.
Anyhow, I inadvertently learned that you are engaged, so congratulations are in order. I'm not sure if that was your intention all along for me to come across this information but I like to believe it wasn't. I am happy for you, my longtime friend so cheers to you and your future family. A toast from me to you and your champagne life.
